30

OK So I woke up and I was 30 years old. I invited one of my best friends over for my birthday. I needed to talk to him. I had been having this conversation in my head for the last few weeks. I want to have a baby. More importantly I want to have HIS baby. He is the man I trust the most which is pretty odd bc in so many ways he should be the one I trust the least. That's a whole other story lol We have known each other since Jr. High. We dated all through high school. I got pregnant by him in high school and the pregnancy didn't end well and I spent YEARS devastated. I think the part that hurt me the most is that I thought he was "ok" with everything that happened because he just didn't want to have a baby with me. Which caused me to be afraid to ask him if he wanted to try again for the last 12 years. He spent hours with me and my family. I waited and waited and waited. Finally he was about to leave so I just asked him when we were out by his car. He said YES! It didn't even seem like he thought about it twice lol Almost like it was silly of me to even ask...of COURSE the answer would be yes. lol So we're going to try to have a baby again. The Dr. says I have poly cystic ovaries. Which will make it hard or maybe even impossible to get pregnant again naturally. We will never be able to afford IVF. We are just your normal working folk. We normal working folk don't have $10,000 a pop for fertility treatments. So for the next year we will be temping and charting (I have been doing that for awhile already) and baby dancing on what we hope are the correct days.

I'm actually kinda nervous. My not so normal ovulation seems to take place between the 15 and 19th days of my cycle. So I am renting a nice hotel room for those days so we can relax and be alone and not deal with other people in either of our houses. We've had sex before. We've had sex A LOT actually lol but never to HAVE a baby. I'm going to go buy "special" outfits and everything. I want this to be as stress free as we both can make it.

For the record WebMd and the Internet in general can be a horrible place when you are afraid you have fertility issues. lol This blog is going to be my stress release.


THREE CHEERS FOR BABY MAKING!!!

Gluten Free Bread

Gluten Free bread as a whole sucks MAJOR ass. It's dry and icky. I found that making penini sandwiches with the gluten free bread is the ONLY way to tolerate it lol I made myself a nice turkey and pepper jack penini sammie. It was quite good. I used Ener-G Light White Rice Loaf. It's Wheat free, Gluten free and Dairy Free. I have come to the understanding that gluten free bread has a shelf life of one year for a reason. It tastes like saw dust when not toasted lol So that's my gluten free tip for the week lol

My head is gonna blow up!!!

WOW Gluten free living is an entire lifestyle change. I was walking through WalMart last night and almost started to cry. The more packages I read the more depressed I got. I didn't pick up ONE thing that I could eat. Everything seems to be made with gluten. I now have to shop at over priced specialty stores that have gluten free sections. I went to a place called "Clarks" and they had an entire wall of gluten free stuff. Again I almost cried. For the first time in a few weeks I almost felt human again. Like I could eat anything I wanted ....from that wall of course. I went there for pizza crust and got pasta and cookies too. The cookies taste like sand but hey there's chocolate in them lol It was great to see that we can eat the same types of things just different brands. I'm still heart broken about never having another In-and-out burger tho. I'm sure my waist lie on the other hand is thrilled to never see another one of those things again. lol I'm sure it didn't help my crying fits that I am also on my period lol Hormones AND lack of gluten? Back away from the crazy lady!!!!

Glutenn free...YAY ME!!!

I haven't felt "good" in years. Seems like I overall just never feel good. I always have yucky tummy problems, headaches,fertility issues,moodiness, numbness in my legs and a host of other things. FINALLY we may have figured out wtf is wrong with me. I'm allergic to gluten. YAY!!! for figuring it out, right? WRONG! Not in my family. In my family I pretty much come last as it is. I don't really mind anymore. It's called life. My family is now pissed off because
when going out to eat with them I can't eat the same things I used to. So that upsets them because it's just me being "difficult" or something. My mother actually LAUGHED at me when I told her and informed me I was stupid and just going through the "change of life". Which is horrible for someone who wants a baby so badly. Does she care? Nope. Never has and never will. So here I sit in my office fishing shrimp out of the pasta dish my mother sent over. I was off gluten for a few days then by my own stupidity I had a crustini which of course has bread on the bottom. I did one of those "a little bit wont hurt". I got sicker than I had been in a long time. I went online and realized that eating gluten after having been off it for awhile can make you really sick. Lesson learned. A little bit can hurt. My aunt got mad at me because I got sick and said I wont be traveling with her anymore. I'm still new at this G-free thing. Give me a break. So pretty much my family is unhappy that I have to be G-Free. I have been totally off gluten a full week now and wow I feel great aside from the cold I picked up from my aunt's grand baby. lol This will be a work in progress for awhile and it seems it will be a work I have to do alone since my family is as supportive as a training bra on my 34DDDs. I am just so happy we may have found out what's been making me so sick. I honestly was afraid that I was dying and that I'd never know why. I told my mom I was afraid I was dying and she told me that we are all dying everyday we live. Which is true but it's just scary when you think you're doing it faster than everyone else.

Real Parents Vs Fake Parents

I was reading a few different blogs about Michael Jackson's children (yeah I know don't hold it against me)and I kept seeing that people feel the need to know who the "real father" of MJs kids are. Simple answer .... MICHAEL JOSEPH JACKSON is their real father. A real father is someone who loves you, cares for you,takes care of you , feeds you, clothes you, provides for you and any number of other things. I don't understand why biology is so important. I view it the same way as I do adopted kids. Their kids are just that THEIR kids. I mean are adoptive parents just glorified baby sitters til the person who popped the kid out feels like raising it? NO they are parents. If MJ had legally adopted the kids in the public eye no one would be saying anything. OK wait that's a lie. No matter what these kids would be in the spot light. OK so what MAYBE he used someone Else's sperm (maybe he didn't)that's between him and the donor NOT the general public. ok So what about sperm donors? I would hate to think that all the guys I knew in college who donated sperm to buy ramen noodles for the month would some how have rights to the products of their donation. Or could be sought out after years and told hey this is your kid say Hi! Why can't these kids just be left alone. Their dad is the man who loved them and raised them. Plain and simple. It's so not the publics business.

You must Love me....

LMAO It has come to my attention that in order to travel with me you HAVE to love me. I am a spoiled pampered princess when it comes to travel. First class ALL the way. I have never carried my own bags and in most cases I have never unpacked my own bags. I did a bit of modeling during the World Series of Poker and in the process I snapped these pictures of my suite (which I shared with my photographer/bestfriend). When I get into shooting mode things like organization go out the window. After looking at the pictures I'm shocked that he has dealt with this for the last SEVEN years of traveling with me. He puts up with this WILLINGLY. Is he fucking crazy? lol I will admit I did have to clean this mess up myself. *gasp*

The lil one is getting married

WOW my "lil sister" is getting married. OK so she's marrying a total douche bag but who am I to tell her not to marry him. I wonder how much a divorce costs now days. *sigh* So now I have the wonderful task of buying her a gift. I refuse to buy "them" a gift. She loves jewelry but doesn't have the money to buy herself anything really nice so I guess that's what I'll do. But what do you buy the goth chick that has everything? lol I'm way too busy and lazy to sit around searching the web all day so I went to http://www.shopwiki.com/wiki/Jewelry+and+Watches

One stop shopping guide. W00t! It can't be anything too "trendy" since she is all miss gothic. OK I am oober spoiled now. They even have "tips" for shopping on a budget and heavens knows we're all on one of those now. http://www.shopwiki.com/wiki/Jewelry+on+Any+Budget not sure if I want CZ. I mean she IS getting married. Holy crap when you search it pulls up items from all sorts of stores on the web. Kinda like a personal shopper. I feel like Britney Spears lol I say what I want and BAAMMMM there it is. I see a lot of my xmas shopping being done here. OK I've narrowed it down sorta lol I'm getting a silver hammered cuff bracelet. Just not sure which one. Here are the choices http://www.shopwiki.com/silver+hammered+cuff



I like



1. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00167YZZM?&tag=shopwiki-us-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325



or

2.http://www.shopwiki.com/_Sterling+Silver+15mm+Hammered+Cuff+Bangle





They aren't "goth" but they are cute. UGH UGH UGH so many choices so little cash LMAO Anyone wanna "vote" on which one is best? Or I'll end up getting both lol