Friday, February 26, 2010

Life in the slow lane

I got a cute teddy bear the other day. He has on a red shirt that says "i love you" and plays music. Not sure of the song but I THINK it's I love you truly. Totally cute! I hope I am not jinxing myself by buying something. I'm not gonna buy anything else. I found a hair clip that a lady who shares my name made me when I was in high school. She has since passed away. I want to keep it not only for myself but for the baby if its a girl.

I was thinking today about how to tell my BFF / FBF (future baby's father) that I got my BFP when it DOES happen. Maybe I'll get a digital test and put it in a box or something and give it to him. Not sure yet. I want it to be special. Maybe I'll make dinner and leave it under his napkin. Oh the ideas lol I have GOT to do better with my G-Free living. I have to be G-free if I want a baby. That's for damn sure. I also have to get better at my BTT chart. I have missed two temping days this cycle.

Ok it's like 5:30am I am heading to bed. I was up late working and now it's time to crash.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Chart Stalking

(my chart)
Ok I know I am "special" but i have gone to a whole new world of special lol I have started BBT chart stalking. I have made some cool friends on the TTC forums so I have started looking at their charts and trying to figure out when they ovulate more than I look at my own lol I find it interesting and in so many cases comforting. I am gonna start making fertility jewelry YAY!!! Jewelry people can actually afford. Not $50 for 2 small stones or something crazy. I want to be able to spread hope and fertility without raping people's wallets. Ok off to bed.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


ok So I think I ovulated yesterday. I had slight ovulation pains on BOTH sides (which thrills me). I'm kinda sad that there was no baby making this cycle but hey better safe than sorry. Gotta make sure all the STD tests come back negative. I'm reading "It sucked and then I cried" by Heather Armstrong better know as Dooce of I thought I would do some pre-baby reading. I may pick up "Taking Charge of your Fertility" or whatever it's called. I'll have to look it up again. I got something I REALLY needed to off my chest on my wonderful TTC forum. Gosh the ladies there are so nice. I just want to throw sticky baby dust all over each and every one of them.
We're going to a high school basketball game tonight. Should be fun. I mean it IS where I found my "peace" a few weeks back. Remind me to tell you that story later on. It's a good one. I promise. It's 6am and I haven't been to bed yet. I am going to try to pop a natural sleeping pill a few days in a row to try to get my body back on track of sleeping at night and being awake during the day. *gasp* an odd concept I know lol

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Killing Time

Ok so I need something to do to kill time while we're NOT baby making lmao Kinda odd since I have not one but TWO jobs. Truth is I took the second job in order to have more money for the baby. I have been slacking off on my first job and I really need to get back in the swing of things. I ordered a bunch of beads and stuff off of ebay to make fertility jewelry. Everything I have seen online is sooooo costly and it's just not fair. You are already just so upset about not being able to have a baby then people want to anally rape you on things to help you have a baby. It just sucks. I'm hoping I can make my stuff at a good price. Even if I don't make a lot of money at it, it will make me smile to know I am helping other women who want babies as much as I do. My sleep habits suck. I REALLY gotta get back to sleeping like a normal human being. Gotta get back to sleeping normally to get my fertility chart better. I'm finished working and now I need to go to sleep lol

Friday, February 12, 2010

No Try-Cycle

My best friend's STD testing wont be back before I ovulate so we are taking this cycle off. I'm still charting and temping of course. Just taking it easy and trying to get even more healthy. I have to get on a better sleep schedule so I can make sure my BBT chart is as accurate as possible. I have been staying away from gluten as much as possible. Sometimes you just forget to check an label and BAMMMMM gluten in Italian Dressing or something crazy lol I'm trying tho. I was told Gluten Free = MOMMY! So lets make it happen!!!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Never close enough to the end of the table

I went to the DR. today and had my lady parts poked and swabbed and checked. The laugh for the day was the nurse who was in there during my exam gave the Dr. the wrong swab thinies so he had to do the exam all over again lol You can never be too rich, too thin or too close to the end of the table. I talked to future baby daddy today to tell him everything the Dr. said about my poly cystic ovary and possible scar tissue. He had a headache and wasn't much interested lol Better luck tomorrow. I finished my work early and I'm off to bed.


OK So I woke up and I was 30 years old. I invited one of my best friends over for my birthday. I needed to talk to him. I had been having this conversation in my head for the last few weeks. I want to have a baby. More importantly I want to have HIS baby. He is the man I trust the most which is pretty odd bc in so many ways he should be the one I trust the least. That's a whole other story lol We have known each other since Jr. High. We dated all through high school. I got pregnant by him in high school and the pregnancy didn't end well and I spent YEARS devastated. I think the part that hurt me the most is that I thought he was "ok" with everything that happened because he just didn't want to have a baby with me. Which caused me to be afraid to ask him if he wanted to try again for the last 12 years. He spent hours with me and my family. I waited and waited and waited. Finally he was about to leave so I just asked him when we were out by his car. He said YES! It didn't even seem like he thought about it twice lol Almost like it was silly of me to even ask...of COURSE the answer would be yes. lol So we're going to try to have a baby again. The Dr. says I have poly cystic ovaries. Which will make it hard or maybe even impossible to get pregnant again naturally. We will never be able to afford IVF. We are just your normal working folk. We normal working folk don't have $10,000 a pop for fertility treatments. So for the next year we will be temping and charting (I have been doing that for awhile already) and baby dancing on what we hope are the correct days.

I'm actually kinda nervous. My not so normal ovulation seems to take place between the 15 and 19th days of my cycle. So I am renting a nice hotel room for those days so we can relax and be alone and not deal with other people in either of our houses. We've had sex before. We've had sex A LOT actually lol but never to HAVE a baby. I'm going to go buy "special" outfits and everything. I want this to be as stress free as we both can make it.

For the record WebMd and the Internet in general can be a horrible place when you are afraid you have fertility issues. lol This blog is going to be my stress release.